Moving out of Stagnation
So,
this is a diary entry,
one not poetic,
not refined to perfection, but
to softy embrace my heavy heart.
We can only plan so much.
According to my options, I chose a college.
I don’t know how life will unfold
or what it holds for me.
But I know I’ll be fine.
There is no fear in my heart
only the calm of silent oceans.
Overwhelmed with feelings,
it still somehow feels like solace.
It’s been a journey to reach this point,
and I’m still standing in uncertainty.
There were challenges.
I walked the wrong path.
Fell.
Realised.
Reached out.
Changed direction.
Opposed things.
Made mistakes.
Regretted.
Learned.
And above all
I felt.
Now, I sit in this silent Volvo bus.
No one beside me.
The lights are off,
though glimpses of streetlights reach through the curtains.
It’s midnight.
The weather is clement, gentle after the rain.
The AC blasts over me,
but that’s okay.
I won’t turn it off.
It helps me unpack this shawl of memories
my bosom friend
who keeps me company at my lowest.
I’m someone who craves intimacy...
and I’ve inured myself to its absence.
With my shawl, I endure.
I put on my headphones.
They cut away the ambient world.
I press play.
Songs begin, ones whose meaning I don’t know,
but my mind loves them dearly.
My gaze shifts outward.
The roadsides dazzle under the streetlights.
Small ponds of water glisten.
Rarely do I see a person among the passing traffic.
The greens shimmer softly
on the wet road.
The warm and cool lights pass by like fireflies
flashing just long enough
to remind me of something
I had long forgotten.
This is a seldom feeling.
As the world passes by,
my heart feels movement
not of the body,
but of the mind.
This mind has been stagnant for a year.
Now it moves onwards.
It feels as if I am entering
my life’s arc of becoming.
Whatever this is,
my soul adores it.
We don’t know where life will take us.
Yet still
we move onwards,
together.
A.V
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