A.V

"Vinay, Nana ki report le aana!" Mother shouted from the other room. I got the report, glanced over it, and saw the word malignant. Things were bad, but I didn’t know they were this bad— Not until I read it in detail at home. Malignant lung cancer. Spread to the 4th and 5th ribs, the pulmonary artery. At 70, with a weak body, the doctors would probably recommend a mix of chemotherapy, surgery, and maybe radiation. If he survives— And oh, how I dearly hope he does— His body will endure unimaginable pain. Mother asks, "What did the report say?" "Spreading cancer," is all I say. I hide the details. I am no doctor, to tell and carry the weight of those words. Soon, Mama arrives for the report. My MBBS cousin looks at it and says it’s Stage 4. I know how people become. I know what they feel. I have felt it. I have lived through it. I have seen Death. The disease is not in my immediate family, But those I hold dear will hurt. Why, mind, why? Why do you feel s...

Tired, I retreated to the stairs, seeking a moment of solitude. Instead, I found a crowd of strangers. Yet amidst them, one face stood out—inviting and familiar. Socializing has never been my strength, especially when I’m immersed in study. It felt awkward at first, but there was something in the air. Ma’am, too, seemed to have her own thoughts waiting to spill out. She looked into my eyes—eyes of people I usually avoid meeting—she said _"If there’s anything, you can always talk to me."_ It was a simple gesture, yet it reminded me of something: I’m still just a child. I’m 18, but not yet an adult. Somewhere along the way, I’ve forgotten how to smile, truly smile, with a sparkle in my eyes. What I thought would be a casual moment turned out to be unexpectedly serious, peeling back layers of reflection I hadn’t anticipated. The white wings I once wore so freely have turned grey over the months—but perhaps that’s for the better. Growth comes with change, even if it feels heavy s...

The 30-minute break started, and I turned off the lights, treating my bag like a pillow, hoping to rest my tired eyes, though sleep was nowhere to be found. High on oxygen, I started mumbling to myself, surrounded by humming voices, the rushing fans, and the dim light from the smart board. My jacket was hanging off my shoulders as I lay down to rest. A long sigh slipped out. "You know, I watched Eromanga Sensei recently, and now I am gushing with creativity, it's a show about novels and lewd illustrations, and now my mind just keeps sparking up ideas for a book I can write." "The urge to just start on a book that I will probably never finish is too great but I somehow resist." "Well, I am much much behind in my studies. It's been a week since Diwali, the physical exhaustion is gone but my mind is still away from here." "O dear, how will I even study?" "I guess I'll have to manage somehow." "I'll save th...

October arrives like a quiet whisper,  a month of festivals wrapped in an electric atmosphere that propels you forward.  The air grows crisp, while the soft touch of  the sun feels like a gift like the first sip of  warm adrak chai after a weary day. It carries a strange calm, restless yet serene,  as the daylight shortens and a sense of quiet transformation lingers in the air.  As dusk falls, the sounds of bells and hymns echo,  mingling with the comforting aroma of  soul-nourishing food drifting from every corner. In October, the soul stirs with a peaceful energy,  carried by the gentle waves of change.  The air, the atmosphere both invite you to rise  from the frozen depths of your mind,  moving toward something warmer,  something more alive. A.V

The raag Jhinjhoti hums softly in my ear, While the santoor of the evening  gently plays in my mind. Before me, fluid mechanics lie open, The queue of questions long and winding, Yet my thoughts, like a wandering stream, drift astray. The warmth of the setting sun  creeps into the chilled room, Its rays sneaking through gaps, To rest softly upon me, as though meant for me alone. But October's chill has arrived The waters, like the air, have grown cold. Still, there is calm in this coolness, And the sun’s touch thaws my little frozen self. Though winter’s breath may be icy, I find warmth in its depths. A sparkle lights my eyes, Serenity fills my heart. Nd while all study deeply,  I take a moment to think. How peaceful this little time is. An excite takes over as I wait For winters warm winds flow. A.V

The rain falls steadily, not soft but persistent. We argue over small things, our words tinged with panic. Yet, our eyes still shine with innocence, Laughter escapes as the rain gently kisses my face. For a fleeting moment, he and I are back in kindergarten, Carefree and unburdened, even just for a little while. A.V "He was convincing me to eat chole kulche while we were standing under the still raining rain.”

Drizzle falls like whispers of snow, Grey clouds above, a gentle glow. The roads reflect the world’s slow dance, While cold winds nudge me in a trance. I drive, but barely feel the wheel, Lost in thoughts too deep to heal. Eyes blurred with tears, they fall, they flow, But the face remains, a silent show. Cars rush by, the world moves fast, Yet here I stay, the moment lasts. The heart, it aches, the mind resists, Yet sorrow in this rain persists. Under clouds, beneath the grey, I drive through winds that seem to say: Keep moving, though you're far away, Lost in the storm, but not to stay. A.V

Lights out. Darkness reigns across the room. It’s midnight, and the mind is still thinking. A memory— shoon deep blue. Tears flowed before I noticed. The body chills. The heart aches. Then, a sound— pitter patter on the windowpane. Thunder roars. Wind teases the curtains. Cuddled in a quilt, I tighten my embrace, holding the pillow close to my chest— feeling the rain pat my soul… endearing. When sleep took over, I don’t know. When the tears dried— I don’t know. But I know this: The scar still aches. A.V

In early Winter's gentle embrace, Contrasts of red, orange, and green grace. Oak, birch, and grass, a vibrant array, As temperature falls, clothes gain sway. Upon a wooden bench 'neath maple's hue, Leaves fall like feathers, crackling anew. Every shift, even slight, heard clear, Beside my love, snug in fluffy gear. In each other's arms, we find reprieve, Head on shoulder, close as we breathe. Breezes whisper secrets, drawing near, Tender, no itch to fear. Hands warmed perfectly, shoes don't ache, Scent of shampoo, a sweet, gentle wake. Birds chirp amidst our tender hold, In this peace, our slumber unfolds. In the quiet calm, we drift away, Lost in love's embrace, 'neath Winter's sway. A.V

Surrounded by many unfamiliar faces, Yet  recognized faces Shine from the crowd like stars at dusk.  These summer evenings roam with sloth.  In this exam hall We share a silence of boredom.  Hope of a good future Held via a thin thread of luck and dedication.  All eyes wander around But never to meet another for long.  Some heads are down and some fidgeting.  Creaking fans blow warm air, While  all the souls try to find comfort In these unsettling seats. Somehow this feels homely.  Reminds me of the lazy summer school days.  It's last lesson and Madhu ma'am Sees the whole class sleeping.  She would sit and then sarcastically wake us up.  And we all would wake up sluggishly Like a blooming flower.  We never were able to listen to her Stories or lessons as a class.  Some child was always absent,  Some child was always sleeping,  Some child was always making trouble. Yet it felt homely.  A.V.

7 PM, the night is rising, Coaching class has ended, yet The treatment and causes of cancer, Still roam around in mind. Tiredness found this place. The sizzling delicacies, The rich aroma, The warm cloud of air, The hectic state, All entered senses with the first step. Looked around with control of eyes, Trying to spot an empty seat. (Picked up the menu) After a second, "Bhaiya! Ek Butter masala dosa laga do" Hunger had taken control, And the overpowering smell, Only made matters worse. The cold smell of gritty textured coconut chutney, And the warm, yet little sweet with curry leaf sambar. A heavy bag was beside me. Reminding the bitter taste, of The stress and responsibilities. Yet, the hectic and busy place provided comfort. As if it were to say "Eat up, don't think for now". The wait felt calm. I allowed my eyes to wander off. The table was not well-cleaned, The tissue papers were not stocked, The paint was chipping off. Shoes, clothes, hair, acc...

All the topics to talk upon have extinguished, besides an old friend. Where none is interested in listening to the tale, the other wants to speak. Closed eyes hear gentle sparkle of the waterfall. The muffler sure is fluttering a lot, and  this icy breeze is spine-chilling. Should've brought a coat. Shoes are a little tight, hair's a little frizzy, maybe I should've done shampoo today. I wonder if this silence is ackword for him. Well, not like it bothers it to someone like me who enjoys this peace. Yawn (after seeing his friend yawn) (Sarts to look in the distance again) (Crosses the legs). A.V

The aroma of flower buds, makes the endearing breeze alluring. Evening prayers move with the birds, to the corners of the sky. It is an evening of early spring. I see the Courtship of the sun and the moon, as they stare at each other from west to east, as the sun sets and the moon's ethereal rays strengthen.  My hands hold the book mritunjay.  I unfold the yugen, as it diaphanously  takes over my senses. In the background, there are songs of birds and insects.  A brown shawl is draped around my shoulders. It hugs me with warmth, and as the  cool wind eloquently teases me. My shoulders move closer  and my demure body fills with comfort.  On the roof, over a ladder, I read.  A.V

The self is no high scorer, past was as low as the bottom line, they said slow and steady wins the race, rose to average from the bottom, desires to get to the top, works to get, I desire what, all have their own puzzels, so I don't complain when I cant study, when someone dies, when tension roams the house,  when problems surround, I won't complain, but how do my mind will listen when it doesn't know how to control, when there are 2 swords in my heart, and intend to self-harm, now I doubt myself, if it is right or wrong, how high should I see.

 15 December 2022 Unit tests are on the move, and most of the students are absent for preparations. Its Psychology lesson, a small group of girls, a teacher, and me, are moving onward toward the fields to study. All of us sat down over a structure in close proximity. Music students were also in the fields, practicing. The slow melody hummed softly and dissolved in the cold breeze. We were studying under the apricity of the winter sun. Midst of ethereal rays I could feel the tranquillity, the delight. talks were thrown with the wind and applauded with our laughter, a sir had joined us in our Chattings.  The trees were dancing with the winds, and echoes of birds combined with the leaves.     Sometimes, when I feel oblivion, When my eyes get blurry, I can see the 7 colors of a rainbow and different hues of emotions, flowing amid of cool breeze. Butterflies roamed over the yellow daisies. Have you ever felt like you have created a core memory? or Have you ever longe...

01 December 2022  Sardiyo kai dino kai 2 baj rahai hai, hum school mai music room mai baithai hai, bs hum, sameer, geet padhnai wali kuch baachai aur eak adhyapika.     kuch hafto sai manovigyan ki teacher bhi medical leave mai hai yai hamara free lessom hai    ..... surya dev uss chokor khidki sai aai sai jaak rahai hai jai sai unnko bhi yai rag sunna ho, jai sai unn ko bhi in dhawani ki tarango ko sahailana ho sur, tal aur dhun ka aai sa sangam, hava mai bahai raah tha , jo payal ki chan chan, churiyo ki khan khan ko bhi kafi pichai chor diya.  aur hum, aur hum aur sammer apni hi dhun mai lagai  huai hai. Sameer wo sab hai wo hum nahi, aur hum wo sab hai jo sammer nahi. humari acchi banti hai,  hum mahaifil bithatai hai, mahool banatai hai, aur humari aatma apnai aap hi baatai shuru kar dai ti hai.... par iss samai, hum aur sammer kai beech mai bss rag maujuud hai, aur hum apni hi dhun mai, agal bagl baithai huai, padhai kar rahai hai. hava mai ...

 18 November 2022 I walked in, one girl and one boy playing ludo, and all other benches lay empty; under the dim bulb of chemistry class. I sat down, wore some earphones, and to create the atmosphere I pressed the play button of lofi chills.     I could see, a biology book, notes copy, and pens opened in front of me. I completed one chapter that day, but inbetwen, even though I had earphones, I could hear the outsides.... The class resides almost empty, light dim as at dusk, I study with Lofi chills humming near my ears, but the whispers of the outside world reached me. I ignore the world and the world notices me, my darkness shined the brightest, and in between the white stars, my red star shined just as the winter sun shimmers midst of clouds. Soon a group of girls entered the room, I was wearing a red sweatshirt and a white shirt beneath, and felt bashful about my own appearance. As they entered, I controlled my eyes, there were left 2 boys and a group of girls in...

Last Exam Exam is Done Plenty of time remains Endless tries of improving  answers, have failed. Weather continues to remain  cool blue, contrasting with the open grass fields and trees. The peaceful winds dissolving, in our exam hall. Not a bird in the sky I guess, they rest in their nests, lazily. Sound dissolves The ambient sounds of stationary, pages, and whispers is filling the room. Heads turning, right and left, in  search for answers. Sloth, roaming in the hall ambiance, falling from the skies along, serein of sorrow. A.V   

Golden Hours The horizon of the sky has worn a deeper hue of blue. Plants are still asleep.  All that roams in the air, are the  guessing sounds of wind, and songs of insects. The deep dark hours feel magical. The way, the wind lightens you from  sorrows. The way, songs dissolve in the air  Undisturbed times and the mystical  realm of dreams. This comforting mystical silence, fills our hearts.  A.V

The slow humming of the psychology lecture is filling the whole room, I sit down along a voyager. His words answers, as I write some question down in a diary, for him to read. His voice expressed everything. Neither did I spoke a word nor, did I look at him once in this whole conversation.      Then, with the slow humming filling the air, a PPT is present in front of us, the windows open to let the ethereal rays shine upon us and, long pauses fill the air between us. Me: You ok? Him: Yes. Me: Sure? . Him: (Chuckle) umm..... maybe. . Me: What do you think troubles you? Him: Hmmm, what troubles me..... let me think. Maybe... it's my family, like I have had frequent fights with my sister.  . Me: How is your relationship with your family? . . Him: I, have a good relationship with my mother, like it's beautiful but, my sister, not so much. Like she gets weird mood swings, and anger issues, so I have to think and evaluate everything before approaching her. . Me: ...