A.V

 It’s 2AM. The night is young. The light is dim. Sleep has vanished, music hums in my headphones, I’m hugging a warm shawl, and I’m thinking. NEET is just a few days away, and truthfully, I was more prepared last year than I am now. So… have I wasted this year? To others, it might seem like I have, especially when the marks come. No matter how good or bad an exam goes, I always say: “It was average.” Even when I know I’ve filled half the answers incorrectly, those are the only words my lips can mumble. But for me, this year wasn’t a waste. It taught me things, About myself. About life. About choices. Still, I wish I had made the decision to pursue psychology earlier. What I don’t know is this: Am I drawn to psychology because it’s what I truly want, or because I haven’t studied enough for NEET and it feels like a safer dream? I don’t feel the same urge to study anymore. I keep saying the exams don’t stress me, but the thought of people, of explaining this shif...

Focus on studying in a way that leaves only a little revision before the NEET exam. You don’t have to master every single detail—just be strategic and make sure you’re covering high-weightage topics. Study the subjects you enjoy, but don’t ignore the ones you find difficult. It’s tempting to keep revising your strong areas, but NEET requires an overall good score, so balance is key. Prioritize subjects based on your energy levels—when you’re fresh, tackle the tough ones; when you’re feeling drained, go for the easier ones. Motivation comes and goes, so don’t rely on it too much. Build discipline instead. On days when you feel unmotivated, remind yourself why you’re doing this—write down your reason for becoming a doctor, even if it’s just one sentence. A simple habit like this can help keep your focus sharp. Stick to a study routine with a minimum number of hours you’ll study daily, but don’t be too rigid. Some days will be more productive than others, and that’s completely fine. What ...

As exam closses in does you heart races? Yes How's study going on then? Not good How long have you been saying that? Been a while When is it going to get better? Dont know Do you think you can crack NEET? ... Dont know ... Hmmm, it weighs heavy, the burden of people's words. What shall I do? Throw away this phone, and just loose yourself. Forget people. No matter what happens, at least have no regrets. ... Hmmm....

Caught a cold, and even though I have a stuffy nose, mild cough, Strained eyes, and an aching brain, This moment heals me. Have taken the meds, Again I sit at my desk, In a dimly lit room, With Lofi songs filling the air, Hugging my tender shawl, I study in a cosy atmosphere. Away from screens and stimuli, This moment heals me, just like sleep. A.V

 I am eighteen—yet no adult, Aren’t they supposed to be responsible? Kind, composed, steady hands that build? Then what am I doing? Skipping classes, dodging exams, Eleventh-grade syllabus complete. Yet the lectures sit untouched, Questions unanswered. Only four months remain. I feel left behind, Like a small child crying quietly, Choking on his own inabilities— Drenched in envy, craving something more. Lost and blind, hiding from sight, Isolated, a shadow in my own home. Not even family truly knows me, And friends feel like strangers. Only I remain— Alone with dusty books, Whispers of dreams that never speak back. A.V

Crawling out of the quilt's warm embrace, A dimly lit room greets the flowing darkness. Freshened up, a cold bath clears my mind, Hair washed, ready to unwind. Then, I sit at my desk, wrapped in a dear shawl, Its embrace tender. The speaker hums as my phone connects, Lo-fi tunes softly fill the quiet, Lit only by my study lamp. Books open, I lose myself in the flow; hours pass. The light of dawn creeps, eager to grace This gentle haven—my sacred space, Where learning and growth define my day. Slowly, the quiet shifts— From serene stillness to chirping birds, Barking dogs, and stirring neighbors. The slow morning sets the rhythm, A peaceful prelude to a purposeful day. A.V

Die, die, die. I don't know you. Who have you become? This isn't me. This mind-addicted to the phone. These ears-attuned only to curses. These eyes-devoid of care. This mouth-speaking only silence. These lungs-suffocating in their own breath. This heart-aching, breaking. WHO ARE YOU?! I thought you knew how to care for yourself. If this is your care, you may as well die. I will kill you. I will bury you so deep, Not even the waves will carry you. In the depths of the sea, you will remain- Gone. Never to rise again. And I will take over. The one who grows, Who learns,  Whose eyes light up like dawn, Whose eyes light up like dawn,  Whose lungs drink in the crisp air,  Whose heart beats-warm, alive. The one who cares-  For the future more than the fleeting present.  The one who rises,  Who refuses to fall. But you- You keep falling. Why?  Why do you keep falling? Don't worry, dear. I will free you.  I will break you to rebuild you. I will save us bot...

What happened to me? Only 6 months remain, and I am  Falling down. Spending days,  Watching series and anime. I want to wake up but yet, Late at night in the dark, I am using my Phone. A lot of back log left. This will ends now, I will meditate, Take in cold air.  And freshen my mind. I will study now. Or I will break down. And fall the even more. A.V

An INFJ and a Virgo, What a combination. An organism secluded from reality, If left alone for long, all attachments severed. Lost in the mind, away from reality, where Consequences don’t exist. It feels guilty for it. He can’t be like the others—too different, For society, for family. A lone wolf longing for a fantasy That can never become true. An organism lost in thoughts, lost in fantasies, Lost in the sea of creation and creativity. It wants to do it all, But reality has a different plan. It doesn’t work like fantasies; It has consequences. You can’t do as you please. It wants to be good, but… The shell stops it. It hates conflict, Swinging from extreme silence To extreme nonsense, Always misleading others. Still, it breathes, longing for shiny eyes, Breathing deeply, filling lungs with freezing air. It wants to bring fantasies into reality, To make others proud, To lay down the weight of expectations. I write this in a dark room, Wrapped in a warm shawl, My skin feeling comforted....

The 30-minute break started, and I turned off the lights, treating my bag like a pillow, hoping to rest my tired eyes, though sleep was nowhere to be found. High on oxygen, I started mumbling to myself, surrounded by humming voices, the rushing fans, and the dim light from the smart board. My jacket was hanging off my shoulders as I lay down to rest. A long sigh slipped out. "You know, I watched Eromanga Sensei recently, and now I am gushing with creativity, it's a show about novels and lewd illustrations, and now my mind just keeps sparking up ideas for a book I can write." "The urge to just start on a book that I will probably never finish is too great but I somehow resist." "Well, I am much much behind in my studies. It's been a week since Diwali, the physical exhaustion is gone but my mind is still away from here." "O dear, how will I even study?" "I guess I'll have to manage somehow." "I'll save th...

A lot of chapters, but not one studied properly. Shall I skip the test? Shall I study today? I'll just lie and tell everyone I was out of town. I sit with books open in front, torn between fight and flite It's AITS, I should. But how will I explain my marks to my teachers? I don't want to lie. "You can study for the next test." How many times will there be a "next test"? How will I answer my parents? "No matter what, at least give the tests." I remember advising a junior. I smile to myself, with a wavering heart, still trying to muster up courage. Silencing these voices, I tried to understand the foreign notes I had made. The clock soon struck 1:30 PM. I left for the exam at 2 PM. To give the test. It pained... To hide my gaze. It pained... "It takes courage to be vulnerable," I whispered to myself as I wrote: "Ma’am, how do we study so that the formulas remain in the conscious mind? And the questions click in the mind? It happen...

She sits at the front of the study room, Committed from three to six, not a word leaving her lips. Her eyes fixed, steady, never wandering to the whispers and sounds around her. A life so much like mine I see myself in her. And surely, she has friends, friends with whom she laughs like there’s no tomorrow, with whom she feels unjudged, unburdened. We play a game of glances, each caught in our own orbit, studying. She stays in my periphery, a figure I never fully turn to, as my eyes are fixed, too, on the pages in front of me. I cherish this silence, this quiet shared presence. We study together, in silence. With not even a glance at each other. Then she gets up and leaves. While I smile to myself, thinking… She glows in my mind's eye. I haven’t even broken the ice. If only circumstances were different, I might have pursued a friendship, but here, I just sit, content to wish, though even that feels hard to admit. A.V

 Sometimes, Mother forgets I’m someone who needs a slow morning.   Sometimes, her words begin to nag as soon as the day breaks.   A slow morning sets the rhythm for the whole day, I believe. But,   Sometimes, her voice fills the house with the weight of her frustrations,   And my mind screams, "SHUT UP! Just shut up!"   It knows what it can think under the grip of emotions, but   Sometimes it slips, losing control, carried by the storm.   It thinks the thoughts I despise, it shouts the words I regret.   Logic crumbles, reason fades, and it falls—down, deep. These are the days when I can count,   On my fingers, how many words left my lips.   Conflict overwhelms my mind, and my soul recoils from it.   All I can do is keep quiet, and let the tears silently fall.   A.V

 Dear Stranger, AITS is around the corner,  have you studied? don't worry and fry your brain... rest for a while to figure out where you Stand. Take a while to rest, Try and Fall in Love with studies. and Live. A.V

We tried for something deep, But there's friction in our tone, I see envy in his eyes, Though it's something never shown. I search for mirrors in the crowd, A soul that fits with mine, But all I find is gossipers, Fanning flames with every line. Intuition pulls me back, Yet reasons stay unclear, There's something in the way he speaks, That fills my mind with fear. His laughter rings in empty tones, A mask he wears too well, His past reveals a boy of pain, With stories he won't tell. If nothing shifts, I think I'll go, Keep distance where I can, Sever ties, and let it be, No space for such a man. Not every bond is meant to last, Some things just slip away, I'll Charish the memories,  I'll find a friend who speaks of peace. A.V

  Dear stranger, How's life for you? I guess its not that lovely for you…. Burdened under pressure of exams and studies, do you take time to relax? Do you Stop for a while to reflect? Do you give yourself time to heal? Dear stranger, How's life for you? Do you live? Or just breath? A.V

The raag Jhinjhoti hums softly in my ear, While the santoor of the evening  gently plays in my mind. Before me, fluid mechanics lie open, The queue of questions long and winding, Yet my thoughts, like a wandering stream, drift astray. The warmth of the setting sun  creeps into the chilled room, Its rays sneaking through gaps, To rest softly upon me, as though meant for me alone. But October's chill has arrived The waters, like the air, have grown cold. Still, there is calm in this coolness, And the sun’s touch thaws my little frozen self. Though winter’s breath may be icy, I find warmth in its depths. A sparkle lights my eyes, Serenity fills my heart. Nd while all study deeply,  I take a moment to think. How peaceful this little time is. An excite takes over as I wait For winters warm winds flow. A.V

My teacher once told me "Things that can be measured can be improved, I guess that's why the athletes never miss even a millimetre or a millisecond". From there on I searched and searched just to stumble upon Apps that fulfil my needs. The one I used to count up my study sessions is ' FocusMeter ', and for habits ' TheFor '. Notion and  Keep Notes aided me in fixing the study goals of the week and the day. There came times when I would just laze around and would watch anime, shows, and movies. Read books and novels. Just as with others, I made my goals and sometimes even failed to complete them. but it was a fun year, learned a lot, saw a lot, and lived a lot. This is me Studying. 7 Months of Study Sessions tracked, with full Transparency  Full Analytics  I think I might just make this a yearly thing, posting the Anelytics and me. Never was really able to divide attention and time for other subjects properly, I guess that done over and over creates this ...

7 PM, the night is rising, Coaching class has ended, yet The treatment and causes of cancer, Still roam around in mind. Tiredness found this place. The sizzling delicacies, The rich aroma, The warm cloud of air, The hectic state, All entered senses with the first step. Looked around with control of eyes, Trying to spot an empty seat. (Picked up the menu) After a second, "Bhaiya! Ek Butter masala dosa laga do" Hunger had taken control, And the overpowering smell, Only made matters worse. The cold smell of gritty textured coconut chutney, And the warm, yet little sweet with curry leaf sambar. A heavy bag was beside me. Reminding the bitter taste, of The stress and responsibilities. Yet, the hectic and busy place provided comfort. As if it were to say "Eat up, don't think for now". The wait felt calm. I allowed my eyes to wander off. The table was not well-cleaned, The tissue papers were not stocked, The paint was chipping off. Shoes, clothes, hair, acc...

Time, Please....? Time why are you so fast? There’s a little too much to do, a little too much to say, a little too much to be, a little too much to see, a little too much to learn. And I I am tumbling beneath the pressure, while every corner of my mind whispers: "Let’s take a break. Let’s take a break." So can you run a little slower? Please... A.V