A.V

“Dad, what should I make for dinner?” she asked. My daughter, twenty-one now, standing in the kitchen with tired eyes and a wooden spoon. “Get ready,” I replied, pushing myself off the couch. “We’re going out.” “Where to?” “Well, what do you feel like eating? Pizza? Paneer? Or maybe... dosa?” She thought for a moment. “Dosa it is, then.” A few minutes later, we were getting ready. I stepped into the hallway and paused at the sight of her. “Oh dear,” I said, trying to hide my instinct behind a warm voice. “You’re not going to wear that, are you?” She groaned. “Ugh, Dad. Why not?” “The skirt’s too short. Wear a kurti.” She sighed dramatically, but turned and went back into her room without a word. Outside, the sky was restless. The clouds flashed above. The wind was cold, and not a single star was visible. It was going to rain, one of those long, thoughtful rains. Then Lily emerged, dolled up, in a light blue kurti, earrings catching the dull hallway light, and her long hair le...

नाना, नमस्ते। कैसे हो? दर्द ज़्यादा होता है अब? सब लोग यहाँ उदास बैठे हैं, शायद इसलिए कह नहीं पा रहे, पर... अब तो आप मज़े करो जितने भी दिन, महीने या साल बचे हैं, उन्हें अपने अधूरे ख़्वाब पूरे करने में बिताओ। कोई जगह जहाँ जाने का मन हो? जाओ। कोई बात जो कहनी हो? कह दो। बचपन का कोई अधूरा प्यार, नानी के अलावा अगर मिलने का मन करे, तो मिल लेना। पुराने दोस्त जो अभी भी ज़िंदा हैं, उनसे भी दो बातें कर लेना। और हाँ अगर अंतिम समय में पता चला कि कुछ अधूरा रह गया, तो सच कहूँ, हम आपको माफ़ नहीं करेंगे। आप तो चले जाओगे भगवान जी के पास, पर हमें यहाँ छोड़ जाओगे... रोते-रोते। और हाँ, इन बच्चों को भी समझा देना: "जैसे भी जाएँगे, अच्छे से जाएँगे। खुशी-खुशी जाएँगे। और तुम लोग ज़्यादा उदास हुए न, तो देखना, डराने भी आएँगे!" बाकी, इस क़ीमती समय का आनंद लीजिए हवा का सनसनाहट, सूरज की धूप की गर्माहट, घर की चहल-पहल, गुलाब की मीठी खुशबू, कड़क अदरक वाली चाय का स्वाद, और इस चलते हुए समय की खूबसूरती। आख़िर में हर समय अच्छा ही होता है, ना? बस नज़रिए की ही तो बात होती है ना? मौत के आसपास भी कितने प्यारे पल होत...

"My mother died a few days ago..." You can cry no need to hold back. Let those feelings flow. Soon, you too will understand That with time, things do get better. For now, don’t hold back... Let them flow, And soon, you will learn to accept them. The flashbacks will trouble you for life, But after some time, they become manageable. "Why are you smiling such a gental smile?" Cause I know, how the path is like, after losing someone, and I guess, in embrasing the loss I have learnt to see the beauty in it.  A.V

 Sometimes I wish that all my thoughts could be logged automatically somehow. It would make a great book and take much less effort. Then I suppose all my secrets and lies would be shown to the world, and how cowardly I am. It's a thought that only comes when I can't write down the poem or thought I am weaving in my mind. I am a hypocrite. Even though I don't like lies, I deceive like a sly fox to avoid situations I despise. I guess I have been quite skilled at avoiding things, like when guests come. I lower my gaze, wear a gentle smile, and speak only select words. Rarely do I see people eye to eye—they live in my periphery. Cowardly enough, I don't even make prolonged eye contact with my parents. I am not the domestic type; I am the type to be left alone on a mountaintop, in a wooden shack I call home, with no one close by. I fear my own future. I wonder if I'll be able to manage family matters. I hate surprises and humans, though for humans, I think the hate comes...

Caught a cold, and even though I have a stuffy nose, mild cough, Strained eyes, and an aching brain, This moment heals me. Have taken the meds, Again I sit at my desk, In a dimly lit room, With Lofi songs filling the air, Hugging my tender shawl, I study in a cosy atmosphere. Away from screens and stimuli, This moment heals me, just like sleep. A.V

An INFJ and a Virgo, What a combination. An organism secluded from reality, If left alone for long, all attachments severed. Lost in the mind, away from reality, where Consequences don’t exist. It feels guilty for it. He can’t be like the others—too different, For society, for family. A lone wolf longing for a fantasy That can never become true. An organism lost in thoughts, lost in fantasies, Lost in the sea of creation and creativity. It wants to do it all, But reality has a different plan. It doesn’t work like fantasies; It has consequences. You can’t do as you please. It wants to be good, but… The shell stops it. It hates conflict, Swinging from extreme silence To extreme nonsense, Always misleading others. Still, it breathes, longing for shiny eyes, Breathing deeply, filling lungs with freezing air. It wants to bring fantasies into reality, To make others proud, To lay down the weight of expectations. I write this in a dark room, Wrapped in a warm shawl, My skin feeling comforted....

A lot of chapters, but not one studied properly. Shall I skip the test? Shall I study today? I'll just lie and tell everyone I was out of town. I sit with books open in front, torn between fight and flite It's AITS, I should. But how will I explain my marks to my teachers? I don't want to lie. "You can study for the next test." How many times will there be a "next test"? How will I answer my parents? "No matter what, at least give the tests." I remember advising a junior. I smile to myself, with a wavering heart, still trying to muster up courage. Silencing these voices, I tried to understand the foreign notes I had made. The clock soon struck 1:30 PM. I left for the exam at 2 PM. To give the test. It pained... To hide my gaze. It pained... "It takes courage to be vulnerable," I whispered to myself as I wrote: "Ma’am, how do we study so that the formulas remain in the conscious mind? And the questions click in the mind? It happen...

October arrives like a quiet whisper,  a month of festivals wrapped in an electric atmosphere that propels you forward.  The air grows crisp, while the soft touch of  the sun feels like a gift like the first sip of  warm adrak chai after a weary day. It carries a strange calm, restless yet serene,  as the daylight shortens and a sense of quiet transformation lingers in the air.  As dusk falls, the sounds of bells and hymns echo,  mingling with the comforting aroma of  soul-nourishing food drifting from every corner. In October, the soul stirs with a peaceful energy,  carried by the gentle waves of change.  The air, the atmosphere both invite you to rise  from the frozen depths of your mind,  moving toward something warmer,  something more alive. A.V

The rain falls steadily, not soft but persistent. We argue over small things, our words tinged with panic. Yet, our eyes still shine with innocence, Laughter escapes as the rain gently kisses my face. For a fleeting moment, he and I are back in kindergarten, Carefree and unburdened, even just for a little while. A.V "He was convincing me to eat chole kulche while we were standing under the still raining rain.”

Their are times when sleep is lost. Their are times when air is all around, But you feel like drowning. Their are times when you can't stop aching. Their are times when you silence your cries. Their are times when even, the saddest midnight ragh is not enough. Their are times when you feel like, Choking yourself to death. Their are times when you feel like running away. Their are times. But their are times too Where you feel, Like you will die from Joy. Their are times when the Peace feels eternal. Their are times when the sun feels nice. Their are times when the rain feels rejuvenating. Their are times when the sleep feels refreshing. Their are times when the air feels sparkling. Their are times when Autumn also feels beautiful. A.V

The slow humming of the psychology lecture is filling the whole room, I sit down along a voyager. His words answers, as I write some question down in a diary, for him to read. His voice expressed everything. Neither did I spoke a word nor, did I look at him once in this whole conversation.      Then, with the slow humming filling the air, a PPT is present in front of us, the windows open to let the ethereal rays shine upon us and, long pauses fill the air between us. Me: You ok? Him: Yes. Me: Sure? . Him: (Chuckle) umm..... maybe. . Me: What do you think troubles you? Him: Hmmm, what troubles me..... let me think. Maybe... it's my family, like I have had frequent fights with my sister.  . Me: How is your relationship with your family? . . Him: I, have a good relationship with my mother, like it's beautiful but, my sister, not so much. Like she gets weird mood swings, and anger issues, so I have to think and evaluate everything before approaching her. . Me: ...