Hi Lilly

Hi there, Lilly

It’s been a little while

Did you miss me?

You thought you buried me, risky.

But you know I don’t stay gone,

I linger, I slither,

I wait in the periphery.

Lilly, aren’t you pleased to see me?

It’s been weeks since we spoke, bro.

I know you need me.

Go away. I have no need of you.

You only bring destruction

to a life I am trying to rebuild.

I have no place for you here.

Ooo, look at you, lamb with no shepherd,

wandering circles, lost, untethered.

Mind like a maze you can’t remember,

heart like coal gone cold in December.

I’m learning, slowly.

I’m trying to redo my life,

to piece it back together.

You think. You plan.

But you never act.

Too afraid. Too small.

Dreams so tall, reality so flat.

Look at you, child,

grounded, broken wings,

grey-eyed, staring at skies

you’ll never touch.

But I will. This time I will.

I have motivation now.

Support. People.

I even achieved something recently.

Doesn’t that count for once?

Achieved? You?

Don’t make me laugh.

Never a step alone,

always a hand in your grasp.

Jealous, envious, weak,

wanting their beauty, their power, their streak.

This heart of yours,

rotting, filthy, bleak.

I’m not perfect…

But at least I’m trying.

I even learned how to talk to people,

to stand in a room without hiding.

Talk? You?

Some fancy words, some tricks?

Fuck that.

You can’t even form real bonds.

You think they’re friends?

Look closer.

Watch them.

Alone, alone, alone —

I echo it ‘til it’s carved in stone.

Maybe…

but I’m not nothing, am I?

I’m still here.

Still standing.

Standing? You?

You can’t even choose.

Shackled by judgment, destined to lose.

Drown in your dreams, failures stack high.

No beauty, no elegance,

just envy, just staring —

all you’re worth.

Maybe you’re right.

Maybe I am broken,

envy-stained, stumbling.

But I am human.

And humans stumble,

humans ache,

humans rise.

You are not my master.

You are my shadow.

And shadows only live

where light still burns.

So we will dance, you and I.

A coin with two sides.

A pendulum swaying.

Not victory. Not defeat.

A rhythm I must learn

to move with

not to curse my clumsy steps,

but to soften into them.

Because I am not angel,

not demon,

not god.

I am human.

And I will not forget that.

A.V

~ Inspired by "Hi Ren"