Awaiting Sleep

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It’s 00:05.
Fairy lights dissolving a faint yellow.
My phone hums with the names of my gods.

The mind is tired.
Yet sleep doesn’t come.

I’ve been lying in this soft, warm bed
for more than half an hour.

And I’ve been thinking.

Am I anxious?
About meeting again the people I cut off,
the doors I shut?

I don’t think so.
I’ve come to terms with my situation.

Then why does sleep refuse to take me?

I’ve been kind to myself tonight.
Instead of watching anime to drift off,
I lie here listening to slow chants and melodies.

So why?

Sleep,
have I done something wrong?
Then why won’t you let me rest?

Memories of warm moments flood in.
Oh, how I miss you.
How silence in your presence felt safe,
felt normal.
But alone,
I can’t even hold it.

What is this?

I took a warm bath a few hours ago.
The body relaxed.
Yet rest still doesn’t come.
A.V

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