Home

I. Displacement

I had heard this before,

but anubhav ab kar raha hoon.

Sheher se sheher uchhalte hue,

ghar kahan hai yeh bhool gaya hoon.

Koi chaar, deewari bachi nahi

jisko main yeh naam de paoon.

Bache the bas kuch log,

unki chhaaya

aur kuch palon ki yaadein.

Kuch woh bhi hain

jo humein

zindagi ke raste mein

chod kar chale gaye.

Ab, inhi kuch logon ki maujoodgi

aur yaadon mein hi,

ghar dhoondhta hoon.

Inhi kuch logon ke hone mein,

main apne aap ko dhoondhta hoon.

Koi poochta hai,

Ghar kahan hai tumhara?

Main pata nahi, sankoch mein pad jaata hoon.

Haldwani chhoot gaya.

Sitarganj kabhi apna ban nahi paaya.

Maiya–Pita ji Pauri mein hain.

Bhai Delhi mein.

Aur main...?

Dehradun ke ek kamre mein

apne aap ko dhoondh raha hoon.

Toh...

jawab kya doon?

II. Containment

Low Rumbling of tyres rubbing against

The asphalt travels up my spine. 

The sun had fallen long ago, 

Only lights of cars shimmered past us.

Father was driving the winding path of mountains,

Mother in front telling her small tales.

And I quietly snuggled into a soft cardigan.

Embracing the cold seat belt.

Nepali songs hummed quietly, 

As if not to disturb anyone.

फूलहरू मुस्काउँछन्, तिमीले देख्छौ र?

पुतलीले गीत गाउँछन्, तिमीले सुन्छौ र?

This was all quite familiar. 

All my childhood, I travelled with them

The same as I am right now. 

How many hours has it been?

And,

Somehow, this was the safest

I had felt in a long while.

As if, I was Home again.

III. Recognition

What has happened to me?

Now I tear up

just speaking

in the soft warmth

of blankets and quilts.

My eyes glisten

listening to the small bickering

of cousins on a call.

Just remembering

a time

That will never pass again.

This small heart of mine cries

simply being

under the shadow

of what is familiar.

Perhaps it had forgotten

how it feels

to belong to a place called home.

To be welcomed

with all my flaws.

A feeling

I had never given myself.

A.V